Career Advice

Don't work for promises. Work for yourself. Work for a salary do your thing and go home. 

I think I work for him because it is promising. Not for his promises but because of leverage. He will be in places that I would never dreamt of being at now. I will pick up the scraps he leaves on the floor. I will service clients that will grow with me. He doesn't have time, I do. 

Lesson Learnt

Such an expensive (one that is beyond monetary) lesson learnt. Was late by 1minute. And everyone was punctual.

Missed the goodbye and farewell we could have had.

Need to definitely work on my punctuality and accountability.

Weariness

I was not able to wake up this morning.

I don't understand why mum is so impatient towards me. She shouts negative things to me, whilst all I need is encouragement in the morning.

4th Sept. 7days to 911

Today I learnt how to complement my dad. I am sure he sees how smooth I am with his friends.

Now I need to buck up on knowledge.

Managing Expectations.

"Now you are managing my expectations, I don't think you're very good at it."

I admit, I've failed. I will do better next time. I am terrible at managing expectations. I give myself too much credit and tell myself I can do it.

His snide remarks really awakened me and make me desire to work on this respect more.

I need to stop to be over-ambitious in a short span of time. I will remember this day.

The Welling Up

It hurts so much, I can't believe these thoughts are running through my head: I want to slit myself on my arm to compare whether it hurts more externally or internally. Perhaps it the tearing of my skin does hurt more, I would for a moment forget about the pain that is inside.

This pain that is within me is like waves in a well. It seems to be no visible end to it. And it surges again and again and crashes against the dry deep walls of the well. It gains momentum at the most unexpected time - crash! Just when I thought that that was the peak of the pain, and just when it dies down, another crash. Harder and higher than the one before.

Making things worse; Curiosity which explores, saw things which were most probably neutral. Instead correlations out of irrational paranoia are made.

Death are Clouds not Rain

Things that have died would not be able to resurrect in the natural. The raising of the dead takes a miracle.

When I met you, you have made me realise a part of me.

The part of me that enjoy every bit of being with you. The part of me that want to build a future together with you. The part of me that loves every little thing you do or don't do.

When you left me and told me you need a break, a part of me died. Hopes of flames that were burning strong flickered with doubt which are as contagious as its nemesis - hope.

As the days go by, we share lesser of our lives with each other. Walls to protect your happiness becomes barricades that blocks me from you. The space of respect, room and time that I willingly give to you forms a moat around the fort you've build.

When rays of hope shine at the right direction unhindered with specks of grey doubtful clouds, even when tears of disappointment showers, a rainbow of a better tomorrow forms.

You can't see what I can give you. Then I don't think we are meant to do this together. I can't be the one persuading you. You have to be convinced yourself. Clearly, you're not.